lunchbreaks | inbox | in the night

I'm also a lawyer, as a breed we're rather tightlipped.

( a lawyer too loose with information wasn't a lawyer for very long. Aziraphale isn't his client and there's no court here but the POINT IS, he can keep secrets, and not just his own!!! )

The village, it's farther out than the other housing. I can meet you closer to the bonfire, just... name a place. I'm not good at giving directions.

( there's a reason for that....... wait for it )

How about Town Hall? There shouldn't be many people there at this time of day.

--And I never knew that about you. A lawyer. I suppose I should have guessed, though it hardly matters what occupations we had prior to being here.

[ Yeah yeah, he's gonna wait for it. He's also going to head out, barely remembering to lock the door. He doesn't know why he's so nervous, he's just not used to telling people. ]

( to be fair, what does a lawyer text or sound like?? probably difficult to guess he's a lawyer until he mentions it. which of course he does, bc Matt didn't pay for a Columbia education to not namedrop it all the time!!! )

I'll meet you there.

( though, considering he lives in the village, it might be more like Aziraphale will meet him there. oh well, he'll get there all the same, sunglasses and walking stick and all.

apparently you can't text like a lawyer, but Matt does still dress like one. and it's not been easy to find snazzy lawyer suits at the store, so button downs and ties is about as close as he can get. he does miss his nice tailored suits, but he has to make do. he is at least a little hesitant as he approaches, because giving a face to the struggles he admitted to is far more difficult than simply admitting them, but he's here all the same. )

Aziraphale? ( he tries, because he can tell someone is there, but honestly has no idea who it is. thankfully, a blind guy wondering if his company arrived before him is not weird at all, Matt doesn't have to admit he rightfully knows he isn't alone. )

[ Aziraphale never got texted by anyone, but he did get letters from several people pretending to be lawyers over the years, trying to accuse him of all sorts of things in order to chase him out of his prime spot in London, no doubt. So he assumes that's what lawyers are supposed to sound like over text.

I actually didn't realize this, but Aziraphale also lives in the village and now that he sees Matt coming and realizes he's blind, he feels very bad about not having said "just come over, here's my address." Still, it's a nice hall, and they're alone. ]

Matt.

[ He makes his way over and-- suddenly feels very sorry that he'd texted him all those things and that he'd casually said that they were all blind and -- oh God, he should really watch what he says. Swallowing a lump in his throat and clearing it, nevertheless, he recovers. ]

Could I shake your hand? It's lovely to meet you at last.

[ And now he's plagued with another problem - how will he get Matt to believe he's divine? With any other human he'd pop out the wings, maybe bust out the halo, do a little "let there be light," but those things were... rather visual. ]

( blind guys without superpowers can get around on their own, Aziraphale, you don't gotta feel bad!! especially considering this one has super senses and beats up poor traumatized spirits, he can get by just fine. no need to feel bad for him. he'll take horrid advantage of it if you do.

Matt adjusts his cane to his other hand and offers it. ) It's nice to meet you too. The devices aren't quite the same.

( and not because Matt's an old man that can't connect electronically, he just doesn't feel the same connection when a robotic voice monotones everything at him. it'd probably be a little different if he could actually read it on his own. there's a reason he prefers voice communications, fancy that! ) What is it you needed to tell me? We can do a walk and talk, if you like.

( it's a little less conspicuous than two guys hanging out in a dark room. )

[ Oh, Matt is definitely going to have to take advantage here. It's not that he thinks Matt isn't capable - of course he is, it's just. He'd hate to inconvenience him!

He does give Matt a good firm shake, even putting one of his hands over top of Matt's. He might already be gently guiding him. ]

Perhaps just to another room. It's just. I don't want any chance of anyone overhearing. Nothing nefarious, of course, I'm just. Used to it being a secret, after all, it has been for most of my life. But I-- trust you with this, and I feel like I ought not to keep it from you.

[ He opens a room and checks inside and yep, nothing in there but a thin layer of dust. He lets Matt in first and then closes the door, eyes shifting around making sure no one's followed them. Still a little nervous about how he's going to admit this, he nonetheless thinks this might be the easiest way to explain.

Suddenly, there's a sound of a great rustling of feathers, as two great big wings unfurl from Aziraphale's back. ]

Don't be alarmed, but I'm going to touch your hand and you're going to feel feathers.

It's-- it's just. Well, it's my wing. You can check, if you'd like.

[ Aziraphale's body is like anyone else's, but he's ethereally groomed, and there is a sort of radiant warmth in a halo around his head, not quite as strongly shining as he would like, but that clearly doesn't matter here. ]

( that does at least sound a little ominous, though Matt can track more than just the words and the handshake. there's no hesitation or uncertainty, no hint that there might be something he should be concerned about. so when Aziraphale more or less shepherds him into the next room, Matt follows.

he has no idea what he's done to gain trust, beyond admitting something personal and uncomfortable. it'll probably make more sense to him in a bit. )

You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with, ( Matt reminds, though at this point he's pretty damn curious. he hears Aziraphale shuffling about, closing the door, and then the ridiculous rush of air and something soft and solid all at once. Matt can't help it, the noise is so sudden and unexpected he stiffens, glancing around the room as if somehow there's something else in there with them. he can't hear anything, but what else would explain—

he's stunned into silence when Aziraphale mentions taking his hand and has no words to protest. he allows him to take his hand and almost doesn't know what to make of the feathers he can feel under his touch, nor the undeniable disturbance in the air the wings make, even without moving. it takes him a bit to even say anything — Matt is trying to be accepting of magic and the ethereal, it's just a lot to take in when actually presented with. ) Why... why do you have wings?

( more to the point, why did Aziraphale feel compelled to tell him about them? Matt is a smart guy, that's a fact, but... he's genuinely too stunned to connect the obvious dots at the moment. )

[ Well, usually this is the part where he'd perform a small miracle or something, except that he'd rarely ever done this before.

He supposes that, should this not work out, he could always just have Matt believe this is all a dream, and then carry him back to the village and tuck him into bed. Would that work? Matt having a nap in the middle of the day. Ah, he'd have to throw in some persuasions that he'd been exhausted--

--But he's getting ahead of himself. No, he thinks, erasing someone's memories is really a rude thing to do. Deep breath in. Okay, Aziraphale, you can do this. ]

Well, that is because all angels have them, you see.

Mine aren't particularly special. In fact, I haven't groomed them for some time, you must pardon the mess.

[ He worries his hands together as he explains: ]

It's just. Quite a cruel charade, I think, to make you believe I'm ordained.

( Matt would have never implied Aziraphale's feathers to be out of order. in fact they're unbelievably fine and perfect, and while Matt hasn't touched a great deal of feathered creatures, the comparison doesn't even seem fair. he's brokenly stunned and marveling, wordless, for long enough to leave one worried he's in some sort of shock. )

A... an angel. ( Matt is incredibly well spoken and rarely finds himself speechless. this is really saying something that he doesn't exactly know what to say. he is a devout man, it is not that he doesn't believe in angels. he does, frightful and powerful and incomprehensible things, always at a distance from the tainted and failed remnants of humanity.

it doesn't make much sense that an angel would be in purgatory. it also makes no sense that an angel would behave like Aziraphale. Matt does not much know what to make of the suggestion, and part of him is reviled by the idea someone would try and play his own faith against him, and the other is quietly stunned by the reality he has no particular argument why this stranger has wings, plenty of theological knowledge, and doesn't give any obvious tells that he's lying or manipulating when he makes a bald-faced claim to be an angel.

Matt takes his hands away, suddenly, and they fidget at his sides anxiously instead. )

You never claimed to be, I just... misunderstood. ( he confessed something truly terrible to a literal angel. that's his life right now. ) You're quite the higher order, indeed.

--Ah, I wouldn't say that. I'm a pricipality, so. Not very high up the chain, I'm afraid.

I was-- demoted, actually, it's quite a long story, you probably already know it. Flaming sword, guarding Eden, sort of let a wily snake in... Complete accident, you see, but it turned out for the better, you know, because. Well. Humanity has done quite nicely for itself, if I must say.

[ No lies here. He is, however, only rambling a bit because clearly he's had this sort of bottled up for the last six thousand years and it's... It's so nice to finally let it all out, especially to a man of faith. ]

Am I-- I really don't mean to upset you, and I know you don't believe it was a lie but keeping the truth, I think, from you. I just couldn't anymore.

[ Does that make him cowardly? Maybe this was a bad idea. ]

--I'm sorry, is this too much?

I'd say any heirarchy of angel is a bit above priesthood. ( don't downplay your standing, Aziraphale, Matt is a mix of terrified and awed. and the tiniest bit doubtful and unsure he's actually awake right now, but, give him a break!! he's meeting an angel, this is a lot for his poor irish catholic heart!

where is his rosary when he NEEDS ONE...

it's one thing to be an angel, another entirely to imply you're the one that guarded the garden of Eden. Matt is trying to process and sort of failing. he takes off his sunglasses to rub at his face, shaking his head. ) I'm not upset, I just... it's a lot to take in. ( for all his life, his faith had been metaphysical. that's the whole thing about faith, right? you have to just believe, with nothing concrete to support it. with no answer from on high, no reassuring word that your faith was justified, no matter how badly you wanted one.

it's a lot to grapple with some kind of proof, right under your fingertips. Matt's too overwhelmed to try and create other potential solutions, like Aziraphale being a madman with wings trying to confuse him, in the moment it feels quite real.

and of course, the literal callout post with his name on it makes Matt grimace. if it's wrong to keep the truth from people, then he's been guilty of that since arrival, and note how he had no confession on that front. ) No. I'm just trying to understand. That's all.

Oh, well. Alright.

[ He doesn't know what to do in this situation, because it isn't really one he'd encountered before. Anyone he'd been tasked to give a vision of heavenliness to, of course, took it in stride. Usually became very promising, very celebrated religious figures, pillars of their community.

He wasn't supposed to tell Matt. ]

Suppose it is, you know, not the sort of thing you hear every day.

[ Which he knows for certain, since he's practically the only angel these days who deigns be on Earth for very long. Er, was. Retirement is really not sinking in with him. ]

But-- so you see, I can ask The Almighty to forgive you. But I have prayed for you, Matt. I just. Haven't been able to reach God.

( well, it could be something a new yorker hears everyday, though it'd easy enough to rationalize it as drunken, insane ramblings from the bizarre individuals that shout from street corners. Matt has never spoken to anyone claiming to be an angel that he'd genuinely believed, even for a moment.

he isn't sure if he's convinced by Aziraphale, exactly, though he can't say he thinks he's crazy or lying. that means something, though he isn't sure what yet.

he touches his face, feeling absurdly guilty about the prospect of a literal angel praying over him. especially when his confession had lacked the sin he's committed most since his arrival, which would be the lies he tells either willfully or by lack of admission to literally everyone he has talked to. someone he's still more or less lying to right now. that might not last, not if he genuinely decides Aziraphale is a heavenly host, though that said... he's stuck on one particular. )

I don't... I don't understand. If this is purgatory, why would you be here? ( as far as Matt was aware, it was a place for mortal souls to atone. not angelic hosts. )

I.

[ Oh, this is bad. This is more information than he wanted to share. ]

It's quite a long story, really.

[ Oh no, not again. He always does this, starts something and nervously backs away when he realizes it's a bad idea.

He's getting to the part where he comes back around and leans into the bad idea. ]

But the short of it is, I might have defied Heaven. Apparently not enough to Fall, so I was... executed. By hellfire. And since I am not Fallen, nor alive, and unwelcome in Heaven, I am here instead.

I don't believe I am meant to atone. I wouldn't, anyway.

But perhaps I could still help you, and the others. I want to; you don't deserve to be here.

Executed.

( he's never heard of an angel being executed, only of an angel falling from grace quite intentionally and being cut out of the heavenly host. he's not sure what to make of that implication.

he has to wonder what Aziraphale could have done to be excommunicated from both heaven, and hell. there's one thing for sure, though, and it's that Aziraphale is somehow the more blind of the two of them, if he thinks that Matt didn't more than earn his place in purgatory. )

No, no. I deserve to be here, I do. ( Matt has already confessed plenty to Aziraphale, but the words on the tip of his tongue are clearly making him a little anxious. he doesn't talk about this, even to the people he's closest to; he'd rather lie and protect them than be honest. somehow he feels rather powerless against an angel. how do you lie to an angel? )

Back home, I... I used the gifts I was given to hurt people. And I had my reasons, I was trying to stop dangerous people that the law couldn't reach, but... that didn't make it any less of a sin, and I did it anyway. ( he's pacing a little, and his hands twitching in an anguished hint of what he's trying not to show on his face. ) Ends don't justify the means. I knew what I was doing. I deserve to be here, if this really is purgatory. But the more I'm here, the more I wonder if that's where we are.

( there are children here, plenty of people that weren't even of any faith at all. Matt isn't sure what to make of this place if it isn't purgatory, but there's starting to be more questions than answers on that front. )

You used your gifts to protect people. I don't think the Almighty gets upset over that sort of thing.

[ But he could hardly tell what She got upset over, these days. ]

And what do you mean, you aren't sure if this is purgatory?

Where else would this be? Though-- I don't know if it helps or hurts, I hadn't even realized there was a purgatory. I'd never met anyone from purgatory.

( Aziraphale, what kind of angel are you??? Matt looks stunned at the idea God doesn't get hung up on the particulars. that's what catholicism is all about, God being really intense about the particulars! )

The sanctity of life needs to be upheld. Intentionally harming someone is a sin, even if I did it to protect people.

( Matt has always 100% known this and went around breaking arms and beating faces and throwing mobsters down stairs anyway. he thought it was worth the tarnish to his immortal soul, still thinks it is even as he tries to wrap his head around this bizarre purgatory. )

I don't know. But if not even an angel can hear God's voice here, then maybe that's because this is something different. ( what, exactly, he's not sure. it's actually a bit terrifying to think about, because while he was able to accept the oddities of Beacon under the pretense of purgatory, what is he supposed to think about this place if it's not the biblically appointed waiting zone for sinners? )

[ The sanctity of life. Right. Well, in Aziraphale's experience, that's not very sacrosanct, and he's seen so many come and go. Eighty generations of life, countless wars, some having been in the Almighty's name. The Ark, the Plague, the Inquisition -- Life was, on the whole, disposable. Precious, but short. ]

If this isn't purgatory, then I haven't a clue where it might be. Though--

[ Though it wouldn't explain why he couldn't talk to Her, because She hasn't spoken to Aziraphale since the earliest of times. She had asked him about his flaming sword, and that was the last of it. He'd spoken to her a handful of times over the years to no reply, and why would She? He was a cast-out, a failure, sent to "sully" himself, as Gabriel had put it, with human inventions. ]

--Though I am sure that The Almighty knows of this place, and has an explanation that we aren't privileged to know.

( God was really bent on that fancy sword, huh? sorry, Aziraphale... anyhow, Matt doesn't have a good answer as to what this place could be in lieu of purgatory. he's been so fixated on that idea that trying to come up with an alternative solution is proving truly difficult. it's like a puzzle from a thrift store, where all the pieces seem to be present and to match only the picture is slowly starting to not make any sense.

at least he's too overly catholic to disagree that there's some place or jurisdiction God doesn't know about. all mighty and all knowing, that's god's whole deal! Matt sighs, a hint of frustration just barely lingering under the surface. )

Not knowing the plan isn't that much of a change. ( thanks God, why couldn't you just throw down some cliffs notes or s/t??? )

No, it's not. That's why it's ineffable. We can't know it, we don't have the right.

[ Yes Matt, not even the angels are aware. And for the most part, Aziraphale was cool with it. But then, you know, there was the whole Armageddon thing, and then this.

If it was a test, it was a long one. And he's certain he should have failed it awhile back, sometime between lying to Her and disobeying orders to prevent Armageddon. ]

But if you're waiting for a sign, Matt, just know that I am too.

( he's never heard the incapability of understanding omnipotence described as "ineffable", though it isn't exactly wrong. it also seems suitably british for Aziraphale. come to think, why is an angel so painfully british... what's that about... . . . . . . )

I'm not sure if I feel better or worse that an angel knows as little as I do.

( because on one hand, camaraderie. on the other hand... nobody knows anything. it's the classic way of the Lord but it gets old! )

Ah, well. I did tell you. Very low-ranking. Principality. Used to be a Cherub, that's a different story.

If you had all gotten Gabriel instead, I'm sure he would know slightly more of the Plan, perhaps. Or-- Or the Metatron.

[ He furrows his brow. ]

But they are both still alive and well, so instead.

[ He gestures a shrug as if to say, "you got me," which is so audibly palpable that even Matt could see it. ]

I assure you that angelic hierarchy doesn't mean much to me.

( which is not to say he isn't aware of it; angels and archangels and all the company of heaven, so on, so forth.

but aziraphale, remember, he's catholic. self hating as they come. you're automatically a more remarkable, incredible being than he is just based on your heavenly title. when he's not like to meet the Metatron or Gabriel any time soon, just a regular old angel is impressive enough. )

I can't say I'm glad you're here, all things considered. But I'm glad to have met you, despite the circumstances.

Yes, well, now you see why I can't assign you a penance.

[ Also, including the fact that he can't tell anyone because it would just be wrong - people had to be good because they wanted to be good, they had to have faith, that was the whole point - he also doesn't like to tell people because they tend to assign all sorts of traits to heavenly beings, namely in this case that they are all righteous. Well, okay, Gabriel might have been righteous, but he was also a huge jerk. ]

Though - I hope it is clear now what I had meant when I said I was a servant of God.

I still hope that, despite our circumstances, we can make it through this.

( Matt might have a little bit of association with an angel being a righteous being, but that'll more or less be done after Aziraphale helps run the ferry into the shore... WHICH IS GOOD HONESTLY???

he has to huff a laugh. a servant of god... well, he supposes that's still true. what a misunderstanding. ) Yes, It's clear. ( he sobers for the rest. ) We don't have much of a choice, do we?

inbox | in the night

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