Aziraphale looks at Crowley like he's grown two heads. "What? Why would I-- you expected me to think you hadn't in six thousand years?" he asks, hushed so no one can hear. In fact, miraculously there's quite a bit of buzzing, as he's noticed people starting to gossip.
"It is really absolutely none of my business who you bed, my dear, after all, you are a demon. I imagine it can't be work all the time."
"You don't... tempt humans into bed?" He had just assumed that, as part of their arrangement, he never pushed any of those temptations Aziraphale's way.
"Well, my mistake then. I just thought, you know... every other sin is fair game."
Well, this was shaping up to be awkward. "But that's-- that's better. Fair, I suppose."
"Not around the world, no. But certainly a fair few times, you know. We are six thousand."
"And I hardly thought you'd need to do any actual tempting anyway, besides normal human seduction, it's not like I thought you'd ever coerce anyone to do anything. You much prefer giving them the choice and guiding them to the option, anyway, I didn't think you'd done anything... untoward. Or unfair."
Crowley winces, focusing on his mimosa, knowing what he's about to say and terrified of it, but unable to quite stop himself, all the same.
"It's not?"
Six thousand years. He's done everything but spell it out for the angel. Maybe he didn't do that because he was afraid - afraid of what the answer would be.
"Oh!" he says, and looks genuinely surprised. But then - he doesn't know why. Aziraphale would have lovers - and they were lovers, he couldn't stop loving if he tried. But they lasted for five years, ten years, never long enough for them to become suspicious of why he never aged.
So he loved them even though he knew he would outlive them, and so, always made sure he was able to let them go.
He has never been able to let Crowley go, as much as he'd tried to banish him from his innermost thoughts, from the deepest part of his heart. Right now, he doesn't know if he's ready for this conversation.
But he bites his lip and considers that he is not a coward.
"You don't... have to be jealous, Crowley," he says, finally. He takes Crowley's hand, and gives it a squeeze. "Would you... like me to be jealous of George? Because I must say, it would absolutely be no competition, I think, should I have to best him in any contest."
Aziraphale frowns when Crowley takes his hand away. "Alright," he says. "But what do you want?" he asks, because this is a lot of things he doesn't want and none of the things he does, and Aziraphale thinks it might help to just sit him down and ask directly.
Crowley blinks at the angel, taken aback. He's pretty sure no one has ever asked him what he wants, before. Has he ever really considered it? Not much. Not seriously, anyway.
"I -"
He swallows even though he doesn't need to. His throat feels suddenly tight, for some reason.
"You," he says quietly. "I mean... I want to do things with you. Anything. Go on holiday, or stay right here, doesn't matter. Just want to do it with you."
“Right. Good. Just... making sure,” Crowley says after a moment. He’s relieved, all things considered. That’s the closest he’s come in decades, at least, to thoroughly spilling his guts to the angel. The last time he made any kind of move in that direction, Aziraphale had bolted and he hadn’t seen him for several years after. This is progress, all things considered. Not only is he not running fast in the other direction, but he’s sticking around. They’re planning a holiday together.
“It’ll be fun, won’t it?” he offers, to lighten the tone. Ease the tension.
"Yes," he responds, immediately. "There's so much I want to see with you, now that we get to do it." He does look genuinely very excited about that, fondness in his eyes, smile tugging at his lips.
"These mimosas are quite good. And unlimited!" he remarks, as he finishes his first.
"Or just sober up later." He brushes a thumb over Crowley's hand. "Perhaps we should talk. We do have... things to discuss. Yes, best we finish this quickly," he says resolutely.
He has no idea that "we should talk" sounds scary, he just wants the two of them to find themselves in agreement again.
"Oh, we're definitely flying first class," Crowley says. "I once gave an airline CEO the idea of squeezing another couple of seats in coach to make a bit extra money and they've taken it way too far, as usual."
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"No, no, not why would I be upset. Why do you think I would be upset at finding one of your paramours in the kitchen?"
People around them are starting to eavesdrop, and sending hushed texts to each other.
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"Well... I mean... because it's... I dunno, you don't like knowing I'm messing about with humans? Fornicating?"
Grasping at straws, here.
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"It is really absolutely none of my business who you bed, my dear, after all, you are a demon. I imagine it can't be work all the time."
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"Wha - what sort of demon d'you think I am? I - I don't -"
What? He doesn't what? He doesn't sleep with humans that often? That's true enough. He's only done it a handful of times. And never for work.
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"Well, my mistake then. I just thought, you know... every other sin is fair game."
Well, this was shaping up to be awkward. "But that's-- that's better. Fair, I suppose."
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That almost stings a little. Sure, he'd had a bloke over last night, but that was the first time in ages!
"Are you saying you've been assuming all these centuries that I... what, slept my way around the world?"
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"And I hardly thought you'd need to do any actual tempting anyway, besides normal human seduction, it's not like I thought you'd ever coerce anyone to do anything. You much prefer giving them the choice and guiding them to the option, anyway, I didn't think you'd done anything... untoward. Or unfair."
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"I usually have... better things to do, that's all."
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"It's none of my business, either way. Honestly."
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"It's not?"
Six thousand years. He's done everything but spell it out for the angel. Maybe he didn't do that because he was afraid - afraid of what the answer would be.
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He feels like they must've gone off the wrong page somewhere, but he can't quite place where exactly that is.
He shakes his head. "What's this about, Crowley?"
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“Jealous, though, a bit, when you find one you like,” he adds. Well, there it is.
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So he loved them even though he knew he would outlive them, and so, always made sure he was able to let them go.
He has never been able to let Crowley go, as much as he'd tried to banish him from his innermost thoughts, from the deepest part of his heart. Right now, he doesn't know if he's ready for this conversation.
But he bites his lip and considers that he is not a coward.
"You don't... have to be jealous, Crowley," he says, finally. He takes Crowley's hand, and gives it a squeeze. "Would you... like me to be jealous of George? Because I must say, it would absolutely be no competition, I think, should I have to best him in any contest."
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"I don't want you to be jealous. And I don't want you feeling sorry for me, either. I shouldn't have said anything."
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"I -"
He swallows even though he doesn't need to. His throat feels suddenly tight, for some reason.
"You," he says quietly. "I mean... I want to do things with you. Anything. Go on holiday, or stay right here, doesn't matter. Just want to do it with you."
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"Crowley, my dear, I wish you had just said so earlier. I do want to spend my time with you." He smiles, so fondly. "I..."
He should just say it, just tell him. The words he's been sitting on for so long.
"...Want to go on that holiday with you."
He's a coward.
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“It’ll be fun, won’t it?” he offers, to lighten the tone. Ease the tension.
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"These mimosas are quite good. And unlimited!" he remarks, as he finishes his first.
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He's not sure Aziraphale would want to be hanging around in his flat, especially after this morning.
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He has no idea that "we should talk" sounds scary, he just wants the two of them to find themselves in agreement again.
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Alright, he'll finish up his food, quicker than usual, and ask for the bill.
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